Akpos assistant doctor

A doctor wanted to travel so he approached
his assistant.
“Akpos, I will be traveling tomorrow. I don’t
want to close the clinic. I want you to take
care of the clinic and take care of my
patients.”
“Yes, sir!” answers Akpos.
The doctor traveled and returns two days
later and asks: “So, Akpos, how was my
clinic?”
Akpos told him that he took care of three
patients.
“The first one had malaria so I gave him
wipper.”
“Thats my boy, and the second one?” – asks
the doctor.
“The second one had stomach ache and I
gave him Malox, sir.” – says Akpos.
“Sharp guy! You’re good at this and what
about the third one?” – asks the doctor.
“Hmmmm, Sir, I was sitting here o o and
suddenly the door opened and a beautiful
woman entered. Like a winch, she undressed
herself, taking off everything including her
bra, her panties and lied down on the table.
She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME!
For 3 years I have not SEEN any man!”
“Jesusss!!!, Akpos, what did you do?” – asks
the doctor.
“I put eye drops in her eyes so that she can
SEE after which i referred her to a psychiatric
hospital.” !!!!!
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Akpos assistant doctor

A doctor wanted to travel so he approached
his assistant.
“Akpos, I will be traveling tomorrow. I don’t
want to close the clinic. I want you to take
care of the clinic and take care of my
patients.”
“Yes, sir!” answers Akpos.
The doctor traveled and returns two days
later and asks: “So, Akpos, how was my
clinic?”
Akpos told him that he took care of three
patients.
“The first one had malaria so I gave him
wipper.”
“Thats my boy, and the second one?” – asks
the doctor.
“The second one had stomach ache and I
gave him Malox, sir.” – says Akpos.
“Sharp guy! You’re good at this and what
about the third one?” – asks the doctor.
“Hmmmm, Sir, I was sitting here o o and
suddenly the door opened and a beautiful
woman entered. Like a winch, she undressed
herself, taking off everything including her
bra, her panties and lied down on the table.
She spread her legs and shouted: “HELP ME!
For 3 years I have not SEEN any man!”
“Jesusss!!!, Akpos, what did you do?” – asks
the doctor.
“I put eye drops in her eyes so that she can
SEE after which i referred her to a psychiatric
hospital.” !!!!!
Don`t laugh alone. kindly use the Share
button.

New comer

MID-WEEK FUN! MID-WEEK FUN!! NEW
COMER X_X :D X_X
Pastor: If you are worshiping with us for the
first time in this church, The New Life
Church.
You are so special to us. The whole church
will like to know your name.
New comer: I am Dele Ogbeche.
(Church...shouts n cheers)
Pastor: Halleluyah!
Church: Amen.
Pastor: Mr Dele Ogbeche, do you have any
prayer request you want the church to pray
for u?
Ogbeche: Yes Sir. The church should help me
pray that God should promote my business in
this church more than how he promoted it in
my former church.
Church: AAAMMMEEEENNN!!!
Pastor: Church, I will want u to use the
whole of your strength to pray the prayer for
him that Oh Lord, promote this Mr Ogbeche's
business in this church (speaks in
tongues...masokokokokole sebede)
Thus, saith d Lord, Listen, that your business
shall sell in dis church more than where you
were coming from in thousand/million folds.
Church/Ogbeche:
AAAAAMMMMMEEEEEENNNNNN.
Pastor: Mr Ogbeche, open your eyes. You left
your former church because the business
was not selling very well, abi?
Ogbeche: Yes Sir. Actually it was selling at
first because the pastor had like 7 children
and the children started dying one by one
and they were buying the casket to bury
them from me. Likewise the church members
started dying small small so my business
was growing because they were all buying
their caskets from me. By the grace of God
Sir, I make caskets.
Pastor: Mr Ogbeche, Abi ko fe da fun yin ni?
Ori e buru ni? Pls stand up.
Pastor: Church, u will pray, Oh Lord destroy
Mr Ogbeche's life permanently if he refuses
to leave the church immediately...
Church: IN JESUSSSSSSSSS
NAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, FIIRRRRRRRRREE!
Pastor: (Looks @ him as he runs out of d
church) OLORI BURUKU

Akpos and the mad man

It was in the evening when Akpos decided to
eat with the only money(#300) in his pocket.
On reaching in the restaurant, he demanded
#100 rice and #200 fish.
One young man wearing a jacket that stood
beside him said "man you eat badly, eat any
thing you like i will pay".
Out of joy Akpos rushed the waiter and
demand for a plate of rice that worth #5000.
As he was eating he look up and see the
same young man. "man i like to sit beside
my friend when he is eating".
Akpos admitted him and give him a seat.
After sometime the young man said to Akpos
"Do you drink after eating".
Akpos nodded. "go and collect two bottles of
drink."
After eating, Akpos went and collect two
bottles of drink, as he finished drinking the
first one, to open the second one his opener
fell down he bend down to pick it, he then
saw that his friend did not have any shoe
and his trouser was tattered. (his friend is a
madman).
The young man look at him and smiled you
are dead. Is u and your God go take una eyes
see what these people go do you".
Don`t laugh because Akpos is currently in
police station for killing d mad man.

Aboki no wan die

Aboki and Ofego were having dinner when
suddenly armed robber broke into their
house. Aboki wanted to run away but he
said to himself dat if he run away, he might
be killed so he freezed himself & stood like
an image. The armed robber ordered for
money but they did not have money, so d
armed robber looked at d image, then turned
to Aboki’ friend Ofego and said: Armed
Robber: Take a look at such a beautiful
image you have in ur house, but you don’t
have any money. Infact i’m going to destroy
dis image. sets his gun, points at the image
(Aboki) and was about to shoot.* Aboki:
(screamed out!) Please dont shoot, I am d
image of God. Armed Robber: So here you
are, I have been praying to you to give me
job but you don’t want to answer my prayer.
Today, since i have d opportunity of seeing
you, i will not let u escape. When you get to
hell, explain to them why u did not want to
give me a job. *about to shoot* Aboki:
(screamed out again!) Please, please, I am d
image of Aboki. I don’t want to die!.

Akpos in a hurry

Akpos in a hurry used the ladies ‘toilet in a
posh hotel’.
He sat down and noticed four buttons – WW,
WA, PP and APR. Curious, he pressed WW
and his butt was gently sprayed with WARM
WATER, he loved it so much!
He then pressed WA and a blast of WARM
AIR dried him up. Still loving it, he pressed
PP and a POWDER PUFF made him smell
fresh.
Feeling pampered, he decided to press the
last button APR. He later woke up in a
hospital.
A nurse smiled and said to him, “Sir, APR
means AUTOMATIC PAD REMOVER. When
the machine couldn’t find a pad on you, it
went for your balls. Your balls are in the jar
over there.”

confession

Alady cofesion lady:i have a confesion i
have lied pastor:wat typ of lye r u a
nigerian liar or donatian lair lady:nigerian
liar pst i lied 2 my bf dat am pregnant nd
he shld give me 5000 2 abort it den i cum
back again nd tld him dat i lst my womb
dat he shld give me 50000 2 buy womb 4r
china pst:chia china d sel womb ldy:aft 2
day i came bk nd tld him dat wen am
cuming bk d womb fel 4rm d plan nd d
pastor fainted

Weeding card

Be careful wu prints your weeding
programme.
Akpos, who was printing a weeding
programme was asked to put 1 john 4:18
in the programme but he made a mistake
and instead printed john 4: 18.
1 john 4:18 says, there is no fear in love;
but perfect love casts out fear, becux fear
has torment. He that fears is nt made
perfect in love”
John 4:18 reads, 4 u hve had five husband,
and he whom you nw hve z nt your
husbnd.

Akpos the greedy Theif

A man worn 5 million Naira in a lottery.
In the night, Akpos and his rubbery gang
storm into the man’s house.
“Everybody should lie down!” ordered the
robbers.
“Now! where is the money?” asked the gang
leader.
“Which money?” replied the man as he
shivers.
The gang leader points the gun on the man’s
head and say “Does it look like am here to
play?”
“Akpos! Follow this man to his bed room and
collect the money” ordered the leader.
As the man and Akpos gets into the room, he
brought out the money and give to Akpos.
Akpos saw the money and his head busted.
He told the man, “See! I rather share this
money with you than to share it with those
6 guys down there. So we will go out and tell
them you took the money to the bank. Then
tomorrow I will comeback only me and we
share the money 50 50. And never you
involve the police else……..”
The man node his head “Yeah! Yeah!
Agreed”.
The following day Akpos appeared alone and
demand for the money.
The man brought and they shared it 50 50
as agreed.
Akpos then removed his small pistol gun and
point at the man “Idiot! Give me your share
else I blow your fucking head.”
The man diligently handed his share to him.
As he opens the door to run out, behold
there was policemen round the compound.

Church service

Armed boko haram members entered a
church while
the service was going on.They asked the
ushers to
close every door and windows so that
nobody can
escape.They counted the number of
worshipers and
they were 150. They told them they would
kill 100 out
of these 150 members but in an alphabetical
order oƒ names
starting with the pastors. They approached
the senior
pastor asking: whats
your name? The 1st Pastor said Zechariah
Zwingina.
The next
pastor said Zebede Zacheus, the third pastor
said Zemmanuel Zwiliams. They approached
the elders.
The first one said
Zarepath Zolomon. The next one said Zalade
Zomorin.
The next one said Zetunji Zolusegun Zesther,
Zimilehin.
They approached the choir and the first
chorister out
of fear pointed to the organist and said his
name is Abraham Ahmadu. The Organist
screamed, he is a
liar. My name is Zabraham Zahmadu. If you
were in
the congregation, what will be your
name? My Own Name Will Be….. zzazy zsheng
Oya Lets
Go…. Comment Below.

Not Around

DAD: Akpos, if Mr John asks
after me, tell him I’m not
around. How will you tell
him
when he comes, cos i know
you are funny? AKPOS: When he comes, I
will say my daddy said I should tell
you he is not around.
DAD: Idiot! Just tell him, he is
not around. Ok!? AKPOS: Yes daddy.
[When Mr John arrived…]
MR JOHN: Akpos, where is ur daddy?
AKPOS: He is not around.
MR JOHN: When is he coming
back?
AKPOS: Wait let me go and ask him he didn’t
tell me.
(Rushed into the room, shouting, daddy,
daddy,
when are u coming back?)